Just…..NO!

I got my Happy on extra early this morning.  Awake at the usual before sunrise time.  Always good.  Because I like watching the beautiful colors of sunrise from my rocking chair, while sipping the morning coffee. 

I am happy to be awake from a pretty solid night of sleep…even though it was interrupted just an hour after falling asleep. Wakened by a stinging sensation on my shoulder.  A very specific locality, when I put my finger on it to investigate, the feeling increased.  It felt like a broken blood vessel kind of sting.  I’ve had enough of those in my lifetime to know what that feels like.  But never on my shoulder, over my collar bone.  Rubbing it didn’t make it go away, and my next thought was an insect bite of some sort.  Being fully awake then, and knowing I wouldn’t be going  back to sleep anytime soon, thinking of that giant spider lurking in the night, waiting for a second bite of my flesh,  I went into the bathroom to get a visual of the damage done by what I imagined … the carnivorous bug. 

I saw a small raised white spot, ¼ the size of a single flake of oatmeal (I’m hungry, it’s time for breakfast!), with no redness, no teeth marks, no visible point of invasive attack, I was puzzled.  But not letting go of the worst case scenario, I used a pen to draw a circle around the spot.  Just in case my dreaded suspicion was correct, and it was a poisonous brown recluse or black widow bite, the EMS crew would have an idea of the origin of venom injection because I would be unconscious, with shoulder and neck swollen beyond all recognition and unable to describe what had happened.

With such thoughts running through my mind I grabbed the trusty cell phone with the handy little flashlight to inspect where I was about to return, to lay my head back on that same pillow.  I would usually opt not to be so intrusive with the light and all, not wanting to wake my sleeping hubby who struggles to get good sleep for all his racing thoughts and busy brainwork trying to solve all the problems of the world in a single night.  But, this potential life threatening arachnid invasion superseded  all consideration for his sleep. 

Cell phone in hand, I looked and looked over, under and around my sleeping space to no avail.  No insect of any sort could be found.  And hubby snored on.  Yet another thought crossed my mind…how safe am I sleeping beside one who sleeps so soundly to completely miss my distress? That thought is filed in my memory bank to pull out and ponder over (aka worry and fret about) for another time when I choose to lose sleep for the sake of “what if”. 

And here’s the point of this long essay.  I turned off the flashlight, returned the cellphone to the charger by my rocking chair, and went back to bed.  This whole episode came down to one single choice.  Would I choose to accept that there was no solid evidence I’d been accosted by a spider or an insect of any sort, or would I choose to lay awake for the rest of the night wondering when I’d be further traumatized by a second visit of the midnight marauder?  Truth or imagination?  Fact or faction? 

In my utter exhaustion,  I fell back to a sound sleep very soon after my head hit the pillow.

And that whole long description is to point out….I woke up as usual, with no swelling or abnormal sense of anything amiss.  Stumbled in my usual stiff morning gait to the other end of the house to the bathroom, to look into the mirror, expecting at the very least a good bruise.  Nothing.  I saw absolutely nothing…except a faded pen mark to assure me it was not a bad dream. 

I’m so very glad I didn’t choose to lay awake in  anticipation of feeling something crawl across my face, or wiggle on my shoulder.  I didn’t lose sleep over it and that has proven to be a good choice. 

As I soaked away the  kinks and head to toe joint complaints of being in one position too long all night, the thought crossed my mind.  How many times in life do I mistakenly perceive what I observe,  or feel, to over think, (or worry, or fret, or stew) and lose precious time that could have been better spent in a more positive  way? 

 My fears, flaws and fretfulness over the future are manifest in the choices I make…first in how I choose to think, then in how I choose to ponder, mull over those thoughts, then in how I choose to act.  When I act in fear, out of a heart of fretfulness and worry, I bring dishonor to my Creator God, who has more than once said in His Word I am to trust in Him, believe in His goodness and accept His right plan for me.  When I choose to make Me the center of the universe, I nudge Him off the throne. 

Not today.  The sun is coming up, painting the underside of the clouds in pinks and purples, to float in a blue sky.  Soon, it looks as though the sky may be overcast and cloudy.  But for now, I am reminded God’s mercies are new every day…Just as changeable as the morning sky, the progress of the day.  I may face new challenges, the old trials persist, struggles abound but we are not without His help, and the sure expectation of a good end when we are His, when we agree with His plan and purpose.

Lam 3:22  It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

Lam 3:23  They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

And from Dec 2, 2012

Job 3:25 For the very thing I dreaded has happened to me,
and what I feared has come upon me.

Opportunities to stretch and grow come in so many packages. Most difficult to imagine are those growth spurts that involve the lessons that are more painful…the very thing we dread. While they’ve not been life threatening or dire, I have experienced those things I dreaded coming upon me…and have learned God is faithful even then. God is not the author of fear, but of a sound mind. My mind is at rest because I have confidence in God’s care, love and plan for me. To God be the glory for His grace and mercy.

Some things never change….one thing that seems not to change,  the many opportunities to trust God more each day. With Gratitude, and praise, He is good.  Good at being Great.