Mao-wage…..the bad pronunciation by a priestly official in Princess Bride, a family favorite movie of many years ago….Ah, “mao-wage”

Since we are on the subject of “maowage” , because we are celebrating 47 years of such a state, and if you count the added years prior to  our friendship and marriage add up to 51 years.  A half a century plus 1.

in my estimation that allows me the privilege of passing along a few (precious few) thoughts on the topic.

Shall I start with the best one first?  The only way to survive sharing a life with anyone over the long haul is to forget that you intended for them to make you happy!  Don’t get that wrong. We do know happiness but not because that was our goal.  And not because we depend on the other to accomplish that goal.  That lesson has been a long time coming and I think we finally have a handle it.  The best way I know to ruin a day, or a family event, a vacation, a special holiday or a marriage,   is to concentrate on how it can be the best time ever…for ME.  It’s actually a biblical principle, laid out in the book of wisdom:

Proverbs 27:20  Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.

There will always be just one more thing then, we’ll be really happy.  Don’t believe it.  It’s the biggest lie ever told by the enemy of your soul.

I could have done a lot to make our 51 years of friendship a lot more pleasant if I’d learned that early on.  But then, there is other wisdom in that same Great Book that says not to look back.  I won’t dwell on regret, rather learn and move forward.

Another milestone in my personal arsenal of Mao-wage Wisdom…. It’s not my job to make my mate Perfect.  That was a rough chapter in our book of Life Together too.  When I finally learned to pray more and complain and criticize less, I gave God permission to do His work in my hubby without me interfering in the process.  It has gone much better since then and I have learned to like him a lot more since then too!  In addition, once that was easier, letting go of what I thought he should be and do to let God be the guide….finding and focusing on what was right in him makes his Perfect for Me status  soar in my mind.  That makes my attitude positive, and that has bonus benefits as well. 

Maybe because I’m older, maybe just because I have more time on my hands and a lot less energy to be doing other things I have opportunity like never before to observe relationships.  The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.  The Good…through their struggles, have learned to love and serve one another in union, and when it gets too difficult, they have learned how to rely on the Spirit within to buffer their humanity and bring them back into alignment with God’s plan for their lives as one.

The Bad, if you take time you can spot it without much effort.  Two people occupying the same general space without occupying the same mission statement.  Two ships passing in the night.  They have no  meaningful relationship with one another because their focus is horizontal rather than vertical.  I’m learning you can’t do Horizontal well without Vertical first.  Loving others well is best accomplished by choosing to love God first and foremost, choosing to serve Him by extending the same grace and reconciliation to others that He has extended to me.  “Life is about choices”  a Wise Women says.  And so it is.  I’m learning to make wiser choices and it does bring joy.

The Ugly.  An extension of The Bad, with an intentionally hurtful component.  It’s heartbreaking to witness, even more heartbreaking to enter into…Been there, done that a time or two.  It’s not something to be proud of, for sure.  Lashing out at a mate for not fulfilling expectations of perfection is unfair at best.  Requiring, demanding, commanding what we think we need for a relationship to thrive is a sure way to starve that relationship.  Making that perspective public, broadcasting failures, flaws and disappointments just leads to more of the same.  Do seek wise counsel, for the sake of the relationship.  Do not make dissatisfaction with your spouse a point of interest in your next conversation with family, friends or acquaintances.  God is always the best listening ear. 

The bottom line to all this is, we are celebrating 47 years of oneness.  I think that’s pretty special since, these days, that’s not so common.  But the reality is, the only way we could have managed not to fall among the more “normal” statistics is a strong reliance on the Spirit in us.  We are not super human.  We are not good people left to our own ways. We are not even very likable some days.  We are weak, flawed, selfish, etc etc etc apart from God’s very life in us, giving us His strength and wisdom as we choose to allow His Spirit in us to mold us and make us like Jesus, His Son.  Make no mistake, it’s not easy, or always pleasant.  It IS always right and for God’s plan and purpose, to choose to live by God’s Word.  “Do unto others…” is a good start.  Love God and love others is the ground work. 

No matter where you are in your relationships, that applies.

There is a major theme in this Mao-wage relationship without which there would not be a oneness.  Let me be very clear on this.  You can know about God, and many people do make a big deal about all they know about Him.  But if their life, actions and words give opposing testimony, deep inside they will only know disappointment, and that unending darkness that cries out for more than what they have. When life doesn’t honor God, there is something missing.    Knowing about God isn’t enough.  Knowing Him in a relationship  is very much the same as marriage.  Cultivating a friendship means learning who that other person is, what they are about, what makes them who they are.  God has given us His Word.  We can read it and learn about Him.  But to get to that point of a real relationship with Him, to enter into that intimacy as in marriage, we have to follow His instruction.  To initiate that covenant relationship, we have to come to a place where we recognize we cannot relate to a Holy, Righteous God in our state of fallenness.  Need proof we are fallen, you are fallen?  Read the Old Testament Law.  We cannot maintain a state of right standing before a Holy God without seeking forgiveness on a continual basis.  Just as His chosen ones, Israelites had to do.  By God’s grace and mercy, He has provided a way for us to have a relationship with Him, with ongoing forgiveness by recognizing first we NEED Him….agree with God we fail to meet His standard.  Next, accept that God sent His Son to pay that penalty once for all time … for each individual.  Then make His Word your guide book for life in Him.  An ongoing study, a continual project, and a constant challenge to make right choices one step at a time. 

God’s Word sheds new light once we have His Spirit living in us.  Each day is a new opportunity to honor Him by serving others.  The means to a happy life, married or otherwise.