Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

Ephes 4:31

Verse of the Day….Sermon Text last Sunday morning.  Must be my “heads up” that it’s a topic I need to ponder. Hmmm. “clamour ” , eh?  That translates “drama” in my mind.  Something I read yesterday  about God’s peace comes to mind.  Without realizing it, I have come to a place where I cherish that peace with God, and am very aware when the least little bump in the road takes me off that course of peace.  I’ve begun to learn to take care , pay attention to those events, interactions, occasions that cause that peace to be shaken.  I use that caution as a red flag that I need to stop, and evaluate what’s going on that shakes my foundation even a little bit.

The thoughts cause me to think about what means I employ to retain that peace of God.  At the very outer limits, when that calm balance has been shaken to the very core, my natural, flesh tendency is to move into Drama Mode.  You know that drill? Find everyone, anyone to complain to, embellish and over think the happening, make the problem bigger than life and dwell on it all day and all night.  That’s the way my brain manages the shattering of my peace.  And all of it opposes what Scripture says should be my response.  God’s truth says put all of that away from me, and …

Eph 4:32  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

It seems that’s where I stumble, crash and burn the most.  I know verse 31 says what to do with the drama, and all that comes with it. Put it away.  Tuck it somewhere, where I don’t see it, feel it, react to it.  But, if I don’t utilize the wisdom of the verse 32, the drama falls out again, and sooner rather than later.

Col 3:2  Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

It’s all about perspective isn’t it? Where am I focused?  On the problem? On the drama? On the trial?  I can tell you how that works out.  Peace flies away as quickly as that pretty white dove (it’s really a sea gull, in the picture but sea gulls aren’t the birds associated with peace! ) The remedy for lost peace, reign in the thoughts.  Do the work that  needs to be done..put away those thoughts that lead to the drama, and take the action of forgiving…not just “Oh, OK, I forgive you”…but with tenderheartedness….with pity, and compassion.  For me, that’s an exercise in futility without the grace and mercy of God taken into account.  I’m a grudge holder at heart.  My strongest character issue perhaps (rooted in pride, I might add)….I hang onto things.  And that’s a deal breaker when it comes to maintaining peace with God.  Trust me on that one.  I’m an expert in the field.

 I value God’s peace.  Without it, there is a sense of being at a loss, of stress, of not being quite balanced.  Of something being “off”.  And it isn’t a place I want to stay in long.  Frankly, without God’s Spirit working in me, I have a very black heart.  Really. I won’t even burden you with all the ways my “solutions” could quickly turn to some really evil “stuff”…but for the grace of God.  But for the deep desire to keep His peace.

Without a long description of how the lessons were learned, I’ll just say, there were some lonely, dark places I had to be, before I learned to walk in that peace, and make it my daily standard.  I’m in a good place today, at peace and learning to be very content with Him in charge.

If you claim the name of Jesus as your Savior, if you call His Father your God, if you have trusted Jesus’ redemptive work on the cross to be your reconciliation to God, then, you have a purpose in this life.  Above all, as His children we are to honor and glorify Him, and expand His kingdom by telling others about His salvation, reconciliation to the Father.  Now, the question is…do we live a life that makes others want to know our God?
I am convinced more and more0 that a life of plainness, lack of joy, bitterness, negativity and complaining do little to make people ask how they can know the God we serve.  Believers should have an underlying stability that dictates how we respond to circumstances in life’s journey.

1Pe 1:8  Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

We should have a quiet peace, you know, that peace of God that passes all understanding?

Php 4:7  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I am challenged by early morning sleepless thoughts that bring me to a place of humble sadness.  If my day is spent wasting thoughts on things I cannot change in this life, and my words are full of complaint about things that aren’t right with my world, am I really fulfilling my duty to God and my fellowman?  Am I a good witness to our loving and merciful God when I have nothing good to say about His vast and abundant provision for my good and His glory?  Oh, my.  The depths of that sting of sorrow that I have dishonored the very One Who has given me eternal Life by not being overflowing with His joy, awed with His goodness, eager to share His mercy and grace.

As believers we should be quicker to detail the goodness of God, His Truth and His Gospel, to a spiritually dead world, than we are to bemoan the evils of this world. Otherwise, our lives are no different than those to whom God is yet a stranger.  Who would want our God, unless we tell Who He is and what He does?

Proverbs 4:25, 26 Let thine eyes look right on and let thy eyelids look straight before thee.  26 Ponder the path of thy feet and let all they ways be established.

Life is about choices.  Good choices. Bad choices.  And the consequences of those choices that give direction to the path we walk on this journey of life.  I am reminded that it’s good to have direction.  It’s good to have goals.  I’m a short term gratification kind of gal.  A To Do list works well, and I don’t erase an thing, because I like to look at the tasks crossed off.  That shows progress.  And, above all else, I like to know I’m making progress.  Don’t you?

This Scripture from Proverbs gives good instruction about a To Do list that is far superior to my daily list which pales in comparison.  Let your eyes look right on, straight before you…..now, ponder this.   In order to have direction you have to set your eyes in the direction you want to go. That might be called a goal.  Many years ago, I chose to make Jesus my Savior.  I was assured of my place in Eternity with Him at that moment when I realized I needed Him to pay my sin debt.  Since then I have learned….by godly wisdom and knowledge…it’s not enough to know I’m saved from eternal separation from God.  I had to grow into those “shoes” that walk the path, setting my eyes in the direction of honoring and glorifying Him.  It isn’t enough just to be rescued from the penalty of sin.  The next clear decision to be made is to make Christ not only my Savior, but, to make Him my Life.  To let Him refine my goals daily to accomplish His purpose in me and through me is at the top of my To Do list for every day.  And in doing so, I Ponder my Path, are my eyes focused on giving Him honor and glory?  Are my feet positioned to walk straight in His path, where He wants me to be, in the direction He wants me to go?  Am I leading well?  And am I following Him, letting Him have full permission to take me where He wants me to go today, to minister to those He has in my path, with His wisdom and grace?  And am I letting Him establish my way?  Establish…implant, entrench, ground root…..words to describe a solid foundation, to be found in Pondering the Path.

Proverbs 4:25, 26 Let thine eyes look right on and let thy eyelids look straight before thee.  26 Ponder the path of thy feet and let all they ways be established.

There must be more for me to think about… a sermon from Luke 9:46- about the disciples discussing who would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven…today my reading…the same event recorded by the apostle Matthew…

Mar 9:33 And he came to Capernaum: and being in the house he asked them, What was it that ye disputed among yourselves by the way?
Mar 9:34 But they held their peace: for by the way they had disputed among themselves, who should be the greatest.
Mar 9:35 And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.

Humility and servanthood. Not a combination familiar to the flesh life. Only by God’s grace, Christ’s life in us can we pull off that walk. And should we venture to speak of our faith in Christ, our relationship by faith, to God because of Christ, we’d better be ready to walk the talk. Unbelievers are watching closely….and another scripture comes to mind. Our recent journey into faith and trust like we’ve never known before has been observed by many. May we be found continuously faithful to bring honor and glory to the Lord, by the strength and power He gives us, not by our own might (which by the way is very miniscule ).

1Pe 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

Trust…..Pro 3:5  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Testify….Pro 3:6  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Treasure …..Pro 3:7  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

This speaks to my heart.  I am to trust with ALL my heart, and not rely on self preservation, or intellect, or fixing things myself

In everything  I am to recognize He is in control, and acknowledge Him, not thinking myself wise, to figure out my next step alone,  rather, fear God, and do the next right thing.

I have never trusted  God as deeply as I have learned to do recently.  Completely.  Utterly and totally dependent  on God’s care, provision, plan and purpose.  Trust. Not asking God to bless decisions and choices I make.  But trust in what He is doing, when it’s completely out of my control.  Starting the day acknowledging He has the right to alter the day, and command to direct it as He chooses.  And then agree and accept it as from Him.  I am His little, child, in need of His leading.  Then the thought….motive, what is my motive to obey?  Anything short of honoring the Lord is either bargaining or idolatry.  Neither is acceptable.

Search me. oh God. You know my inner most being.  You know who I am, what I’m about, even better than I know myself.  Convict, Cleanse. Use me for Your honor and Glory today, for Your Name’s sake.

Psa 139:23  Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

Psa 139:24  And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psa 29:1 A Psalm of David. Give unto the LORD, O ye mighty, give unto the LORD glory and strength.
Psa 29:2 Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name; worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.

Just 2 verses but packed with truth, and power.  Even before I read further in Matthew Henry’s Commentary I could sense this Scripture held some significant instruction.  Give.  Oceans of distance between that truth and our natural inclination to take!  More to the point though, Give to the Lord.  What could the Creator of the Universe, Sovereign and Mighty, Holy and Glorious God need that we could give????  Glad you asked because the Psalmist goes on…

Give the Lord glory and strength…that is, as Matthew Henry explained…pay homage, give credit, honor God, recognize His greatness.  Need more incentive?  Read on.

Psa 29:3 The voice of the LORD is upon the waters: the God of glory thundereth: the LORD is upon many waters

The mightiest rulers and kings on this earth don’t even have the voice God does when He thunders from Heaven, or sends lightening or wind.  God is mighty, powerful, and we should be full of awe for His strength and glory.  We have nothing to offer Him, except acknowledgement of Who He is, and what He does.  Nothing but our admiration and praise…and then, as He gives grace, our service to him. Give God honor, because of His glory and strength.

Give to God glory due His Name.  Do we ever contemplate the great I AM?  The names of God,  each descriptive of a character quality of His being.  Each one a powerful reminder of His all encompassing greatness, and provision. His names relate to us who He wants to be to each of us as an individual.  Elohim ~ Powerful Creator God, El Elyon ~God Most High, El Shaddai ~ Almighty God, Adonai ~ Lord and Master, Jehovah ~ I AM….Jehovah Jireh ~ The Lord will provide, Jehovah Rapha ~ The Lord who heals, Jehovah Nissi ~ The Lord is my Banner/ Battle Fighter, Jehovah Mekadash ~ The Lord Who Sanctifies, Jehovah Shalom ~ The Lord is Peace, Jehovah Sabaoth ~ The One Who Judges, Jehovah Roi ~ The Lord is My Shepherd, Jehovah Tsidkenu ~ The Lord our Righteousness, Jehovah Shammah ~ The Lord is There/ Ever Present One.  Do you see the God you need in that list?  Give Him glory for Who He is!

Give Him glory for His Holiness.  The beauty of Holiness. The object of our worship, His glorious Majesty.  King of Kings, Lord of Lords.  The sum of all our worship comes to this… God is Holy, Righteous, Worthy of all our praise and honor.  We should acknowledge His judgement is to be feared.  And we should be ever so grateful that His righteousness has been extended to us when we agree with Him we are UNworthy of His love, that we can in no way meet His standard for purity and holiness, and embrace the gift of Eternal life that He has freely given to all who will just believe in Jesus’ work on the cross,death,  burial, and resurrection to redeem us to the Father.  Give Him glory for His Holiness, and for His grace and mercy that allow us to come before Him, to worship and praise Him.  We, those who believe,  are so privileged to be called the children of God.  It’s important to meditate on that thought….Don’t take that for granted.  Our Holy Righteous God demands a Holy, Righteous People…we only have that because Christ bought us with His shed blood.  Not because of anything we have done.  Nothing.  Even our faith is by His spirit wooing us to Him.

The essence of our purpose, Give.  Give to the Lord…

I’m a master of The Negative, Complainer Extraordinaire!!!  Yup.  That’s me, in the flesh, I can point out every flaw, every minute detail that isn’t right, every little tiny morsel that doesn’t make me happy.  And, I’m not afraid to verbalize it. Key word here: “in the flesh”.  My flesh wants it all, just right, exactly the way I want it, exactly when I want it…pronto”.  News flash~  It’s not about me.  What a sad day that was, when God and I had a reckoning.  He smacked me upside the head that day and I’ve not been the same since.

Heb 13:15  By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.

You see, I was wallowing in self pity and total self absorption, probably bordering on depression…anger turned inward.  Life wasn’t the way I wanted it.  Important people in my life were making seriously bad choices, and wouldn’t listen to anything I was saying…..Somehow God’s Spirit penetrated my thick shell of ME and that Scripture in Hebrews stopped me short. Kitchen Table Revelation.  God’s cure for my Stinkin’ Thinkin”….give thanks, offer up the sacrifice of praise.  WHAT????  “Lord, you know the trouble..  You know all the awful (my opinion) decisions being made. How in the world am I supposed to be thankful for ungodliness?” Clearly not my thoughts are what followed.  God in His grace allowed my foolish, wicked heart to catch a glimpse of His wisdom. In essence He said:  “You don’t give thanks for sinful acts, you DO recognize My Sovereignty and goodness, My Grace and Mercy, My control over all.  Give up your own plans and ways, and let go of what others do and who they are right now.  You aren’t in charge of them…in fact, you can’t even take care of yourself!  Look at you.  You’re a mess, and and you are creating a bigger mess, assuming responsibility for things that aren’t yours to own.  Let go…let go of them, let go of the burden, and GIVE THANKS.  Let every thought of worry be a red flag.  You are to offer up thanks instead of fretting”…  I am so thankful for every red flag, for every moment that the spirit points out to me that is an opportunity to give true gratitude to the One Who does know the end from the beginning.  The One Who does have full control over all circumstances.  The Only One to Whom we can give thanks and praise for all He does, because He does all things well, no matter how it feels.

And years since that day at the kitchen table, I have come to understand, those things that I have the hardest time being thankful for….those are the devils tools to discourage me, to disarm me from Scripture, to disable me from glorifying the Lord and pointing others to Him, and that sow seeds of discontent that lead me to turn my focus to my problems, and how I am going to solve them, rather than Him as my Solution.  God is good. All the time.  He always answers my prayers, just not always the way I think He should.  And that’s OK.  I praise Him for saving me from myself, my selfish desires, my foolish cares and concerns that are all wrapped up in what this world presents, and what I think I want and need.  Second revelation from that lesson in gratitude….it’s NOT all about me!!!!   Life here, real Life in Him, is to be all about brining honor and GLory to Him.   I am a citizen of the Heavenly Kingdom.  Just passing through this world.  I praise God for what He does, and Who He is….because I know me, without Him, I know who I am, what I am.  Unworthy except for His redemption.  There’s a lot to be thankful for, once our focus is set in the right direction.

For more, read http://www.gotquestions.org/giving-thanks-to-God.html#ixzz3cZMvObrJ

“First Thessalonians 5:18 says, “In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” We are to be thankful not only for the things we like, but for the circumstances we don’t like. When we purpose to thank God for everything that He allows to come into our lives, we keep bitterness at bay. We cannot be both thankful and bitter at the same time. We do not thank Him for evil, but that He is sustaining us through it (James 1:12). We don’t thank Him for harm He did not cause, but we thank Him when He gives us the strength to endure it (2 Corinthians 12:9). We thank Him for His promise that “all things will work together for the good, to those who love God and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

We can have thankful hearts toward God even when we do not feel thankful for the circumstance. We can grieve and still be thankful. We can hurt and still be thankful. We can be angry at sin and still be thankful toward God. That is what the Bible calls a “sacrifice of praise” (Hebrews 13:15). Giving thanks to God keeps our hearts in right relationship with Him and saves us from a host of harmful emotions and attitudes that will rob us of the peace God wants us to experience (Philippians 4:6–7).”

5:23 A.M.  It’s too early to really get up.  I’ll just try to go back to sleep.  How did I get from right side sleeping to left side sleeping?  I don’t remember rolling over.  I always wake up when I move.  Guess not.  Hmmm.  It’s already a good morning, I don’t feel EVERY joint aching.  That’s a good start. What day is it? Monday.  We went to church yesterday.  So, today is Monday.  Monday.  Laundry is mostly all caught up.  Not high priority there.

Priority.  Trusting.  Conversation with Pastor yesterday about what is the first thing we’d do in Heaven.  And what are our loved ones doing.  Samuel.  Sweet innocent Samuel.  For a fleeting moment last night I was nearly overcome with fresh grief, as I imagined myself being a 4 1/2 year old child without a Mom.   The pain, literal, heart aching pain.  But wait.  Jesus gave instruction for the little children to be brought to Him, “for such is the kingdom of Heaven”.

Mat 19:14  But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Mental picture, reflection of the very poignant image of tall Grandpa walking to the barn with a very small little boy at his side. That little boy doesn’t question where they are going, just walks alongside, content just to be where Grandpa is.  I wrongfully apply my own sad emotion to an innocent child’s perception of his reality.  Yes, he misses his Mom, deeply.  But when he is here, Grandpa is his world.   What a graphic illustration of what we talked about yesterday….what will we do in Heaven?

I cannot imagine anyone, no matter how deeply they loved  here in this world, having their focus distracted from that very One Who sacrificed His home in heaven to come to this sinful world, to be a perfect sacrifice, to be buried and resurrected, and taken back into Heaven.  With faith and trust complete, those loved ones must surely be entirely consumed with the presence of Jesus.  Their spiritual beings embracing fully all that God has for them as they are in Eternity with Him.  That doesn’t make me sad.  While we are human, and are so very flawed, we loved well.  As well as we knew how for each moment and event, trial and situation.  There is no reason to let guilt have space.  No purpose in that when nothing now can be done to alter those things for which we might feel regret.  Other than use that fleeting thought to make better choices with the opportunities we are given now and in the future.

The caption for that picture of Grandpa and Samuel walking together to the barn: “Walk this way…”  Depicting how our walk with the Lord should be…so very trusting that we just follow, without doubt or question.  Without running off on a rabbit rail, without distraction or self will…just walking alongside the Savior, where ever He leads.  We make it so very complicated when He has made it so very simple.

5:33 AM It’s 10 minutes later.  I’m not falling back to sleep.  I might as well get up and have extra time appreciating all that God has provided this morning….first and foremost, I can freely move and untangle myself from the entrapment of this bed. That’s a great start, considering those who for one reason or another are unable to do even that.  A trip to the barn is in order as soon as I’m dressed for the day.  A new notebook for sermon notes, because I forgot to get it and notes are scribbled on scraps I found in my Bible, and the coffee I didn’t get yesterday for the coffee maker that’s in the house.  I’ll start with coffee this morning, then drink my green smoothie.  That didn’t work as well as I’d hoped yesterday….Detox headache wasn’t very pleasant when I really wanted to pay attention to the sermon, and cheerfully interact with my church family.  OK, it’s time for this day to be started.

********

There you have it.  That’s a pretty typical conversation that takes place in my head before I even stir.  It makes me smile.  I don’t really need a lot of social interaction on a daily basis.  As you can see from the very start of the day, there is a lot of chit chat going on, and it continues throughout the day.  Sometimes so intensely that when I have to interrupt the conversation in my head to talk with a real person, it’s not a convenient intrusion.  I might even get a little cranky. Yeah.  Me.  I have my moments (please do not query those who live in close proximity.  They’d no  doubt embellish their answers to make me appear to be …. flawed, and very very human.  Then I’d have to confess to you it’s so very much worse than that!!)  Sometimes the conversations in my head take on a darker tone, judgement, criticism, delving into heart motives that no mere human could ever really know.  There is true wisdom in heeding the Scripture that admonishes keeping our minds focused and in control.

Php 4:6  Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

Php 4:7  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Php 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Think on these things.  And in my case…chat about it, in my head.

Eph 3:17  That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

Eph 3:18  May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

Eph 3:19  And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

It’s Sunday morning.  A friend shared  this Scripture this morning and it is such a strong voice of encouragement to my heart. By the faith God has given to me, I can live in that knowledge, and know I am filled with all the fulness of God.  Because of what He does and  who He is.  The shepherd of our local flock of believers, has Whoo Hoo moments, when a Scriptural truth just causes a loud Whoo Hoo to escape from his  inner most being,  This would be such a moment for me.

To be reminded that once we allow Christ to enter into our being, accepting His payment for the penalty of sin exacted on my our behalf….we are rooted and grounded.  That’s what everyone wants and needs…roots.  Someone or something to belong to.  Nothing, no one, better than the very Creator Himself, established in His love.  And no greater love has ever been expressed than His love for us…and that enables us to have the opportunity, should we choose to enter into it, to comprehend the expanse of His love, beyond all human reckoning, to be filled with all that God has for us……not to make us wonderful people, or give us more happiness or to give us higher station in life or greater wealth…but for His honor and glory.  Glory!

That’s good stuff.  To bring my feet back to touch the ground now….I have to decide what to have for my morning beverage.  Here’s how my mind is working this morning.  Usually it’s coffee, but my extra Keurig pods are stationed in the barn where, when we have family gatherings the Keurig machine might end up.  The Keurig is in the house, the pods are in the barn.  I have ground coffee available and I do have the filter.  I can make coffee. Yesterday I picked an abundance of greens….beet greens, kale, spinach and broccoli.  And I already had a pretty fair amount of lettuce and spinach in the fridge. Lightbulb moment.  Perhaps, just maybe, this would be a great time to start making myself (Tom too, if he’d agree) green smoothies.  Surely the health benefit would be quite reason enough I’d say.  The abundance of available resources factors in.  Using what has been so plentifully provided is the last argument.  A green smoothie it is.

To quote a wise woman:   “Life is about choices” ~ Jenny Muth.  And to put the final spin on that… Real LIFE is about the most important choice one could ever make, that of agreeing with our sovereign God that we can never meet His standard.  And then accept His provision for us, His Only Son’s sacrificial death, to buy us pardon and give us access to an eternal relationship with Him.

I might have to wash the smoothie down with a cup of Jamaican Me Crazy flavored coffee though.  Just sayin’

I wrote this in October, 2013.  A lifetime ago.  Who ever would have known what April / May 2015 would bring into our lives to test that resolve to live collision free and clay in the potter’s hands.

So…. my life in brief overview…MY expectation was to marry that perfect man. And I did, more or less. Our union brought together two head strong humans. God’s intention, to learn to submit one to another. MY expectation was to live happily ever after, and, well, we are, most of the time. I’ve often despaired over the lack of harmonious agreement of that beloved man’s choosing his ideas over mine. Go figure. God’s intention, Love one another as ourselves. And take this life in stride, remembering often our disappointments are His appointments. Not taking ourselves too seriously. It’s been a long time coming and still in progress. What happens when my expectations collide with God’s intention? Plenty up ’til now.

Disaster strikes. Most of the time anyway. Seldom do I see the total abolition of my expectations as a joyous occasion, or one to be met with the same enthusiasm as when He says “yes” to my requests.

Back to the overview of our adult history. My expectation was to have perfectly formed children. Two were born with a chronic degenerative disease. My expectation was for our prayers for their healing to be miraculously granted. At 35 and 41 years of age they continue to walk a tightrope trying to balance a “normal” life with managing chronic illness. My expectation was to grow old gracefully, gradually accepting limitations and contributing aged wisdom to the younger generations with just a little less energy and vitality. At 63 there are days 86 year olds could run circles around me as my body refuses to move as quickly and stamina runs out before my brain quits thinking of things we need/ want to do. My expectation was to have our home be the quiet resting place for our weary heads in our aging. But for however long the Lord deems necessary we share our humble dwelling with adult children and a 3 year old stick of dynamite ~ hardly a quiet resting place.

My expectations were to live long and healthy, to enjoy parenting, and grand parenting, to easily meet the needs of aging parents and on and on.

MY EXPECTATIONS! I have come finally to that place in life where I’m beginning to understand life is not about me! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to push down an angry retort when a child or teen has made a foolish or very selfish, self centered comment that screams, “I’m the center of the Universe, serve me!”. And now, I am ashamed to see how my expectations must look to an all wise, all knowing, all wonderful God who knows every part of me, and my every thought.

I bumped into a couple of seasoned blogger’s whose lives seem to be upended. One challenged by health issues of a family elder wreaking havoc, the kind that trickles down into the core of one’s being, and tries to define who they are by what is happening.

The other a youngish Mom realizing she has to make choices between what her head says is a priority, and what her heart hears her King say is essential.

Collisions. Expectations of long and healthy family relationship, assisting the process of growing old with dignity and grace, and joy knowing family is everything to every member of the group. What seems to be God’s intention is in direct opposition with family torn to shreds, the agony of illness stealing away memories and recognition of important events and people, ripping to shreds the emotions and very soul and spirit if emotions were left unchecked.

Collisions of the worst kind. When relationships don’t stand the test of time. When those we think we are connected to vanish into thin air leaving us fearful and alone. We are left out in the cold, shaking and chilled to the core, realizing yet again we are not up to the full task of resolving the issues, mending the proverbial fences, “fixing” the ailment, stopping it’s dire progression. When we are pressed for time, the weight of life as we know it resting on our shoulders to keep peace and maintain organization, children clamoring for our attention, discipline needed and on and on …. Life spirals out of control, very much in opposition to what we expected life to be at this season of our journey.

When our expectations collide with God’s intention there are 2 choices we could make. One, struggle in our own strength against the circumstance with as much fight as we have left in us. Or do the mental gymnastics necessary to shore up and prioritize thinking, letting the Spirit of God prevail.

The rest of my time left on this planet I pray I am able to put that concept into perspective and change those collisions from events that rip the very heart and soul asunder, knocking me off balance and out of commission for a time until I get over my tantrum, not having my expectations gratified to my liking. I want to see them as a challenge to my faith, an opportunity to display my confidence in my King, to show Him, and myself, and the watching world I don’t think for a moment that I’m the center of the Universe, I’m not that spoiled child looking only to be served. Rather I am a dutiful child of the King willing and ready to change my course as He deems necessary to do His bidding with a willing heart.

I’m pretty sure now that it’s down in black and white there will be plenty of opportunities offered, just to see if I’m as willing as I think I am. Collision free and clay in the Potter’s hand. We shall see.
“If I hold on to choices of any kind, just because they are my choice; if I give any room to my private likes and dislikes, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”

Amy Charmichael