My trek through Genesis this time is very very slow.  I am reading with intention, other than just to say I read through the Bible again this year.    Today, Gen 17: 7 had a reference, among others, to Ps 105:9,10  but for context, I began at vs 8  and that verse 8 is where my attention was drawn.  A rich and happy collision of reminders that God keeps His covenants/ promises and the extent of those promises as they relate to me, this Little Child of His who is needy in every way possible.

Modern technology being what it is, allows me the advantage of researching easily, and I like to do that when I bump into things that stand out to me as I read.  Todays adventure is brought to you by…the phrase :”…to a thousand generations”.  Hmmm.  How many generations have passed since Adam, do you suppose?  That seemed research worthy.

A favorite  site, Answers in Genesis, popped up and I chose to read what was offered there.  In summary, the author stated his genaeology  spanned roughly between 80 and 100+ years, from his children back to Adam.  I suspect others would vary but certainly not attain the distinction yet of being in the 1000 year range.  Just my guess from what I read. 

The rabbit trail continued as I took a little more time and found in Matthew Henry’s Commentary a good encouragement for my heart today, on Ps 105:1 -7.  I think it is no accident that I totally missed the “thousand generations”  my first query set out to solve.  And I settled in on the delights of gratitude and praise, AGAIN.  And once those two facets of the beginning of my day are cared for, I can march through my day with JOY no matter what else comes my way.

It doesn’t matter that my puffy feet didn’t UNpuffy with an nights sleep, that they are crunchy when I first wake up and need to be limbered up, that my insides feel like they exploded from allergy related  sneezing too many times in a row for a couple  days in succession,  or all the other wornout earthsuit related  side notes that could ruin a perfectly good day.  I could lament that my prayers for better comfort, or a myriad of other earthbound cares seem to be not answered, but…All of that is overshadowed by Ps 105:1- 7.  And after reading, praising, rejoicing, thanking Him, joy is the result and I’m ready to conquer my little slice of heaven on earth today.  How ever that might look. Oh Happy Day.  It’s about perspective.

Here’s the Matthew Henry reference if you want to join in on the joy. https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/matthew-henry/Ps.105.1-Ps.105.7

…who miss the intimacy of having a husband….
God has given us physical bodies in a physical world to teach us spiritual lessons about Him…. He is the Bread of Life, could I relate to that unless I have tasted the deliciousness of hot, right out of the oven, flavorful bread? Could I understand He is the Water to quench my spiritual thirst unless I’d enjoyed that quenching drink of ice cold water on a hot thristy day? Could I appreciate He is the Light of the World, if I hadn’t observed darkness and light in this world governed by passage of time, the rising and setting of the sun and the moon? Could faith as a mustard seed make any sense, unless I have observed how a tiny seed can grow into a might oak tree? And then, could I imagine the kind of love God has for me, to be my Husband, if I had not enjoyed that husband in this life, He so graciously provided all those years ago?

As a widow I have been privileged to know that unity with my mate. That oneness that I committed to in our vows before the Lord when we married. Marriage taught me the the intense beauty of that physical union, oneness, and connection. God wants me to realize He is my Husband now. And He wants for me to know that spiritual connection to Him, in that same intense oneness…the sheer JOY that explodes with worship and praise because of Who He is to us, and what He does to care for me in His ongoing committment and love. When I committed to my husband in marriage, I made a choice. I chose him, agreed to make him the love of my life, to love, honor and obey.

Oneness

As a finite being I cannot know my infinite God except for His grace, His goodness to give me His Spirit to discern and understand His love letter to me. In it He has described in more ways than I can count, He loves me, and He wants me to love Him, to make Him my heart’s treasure. I could not begin to comprehend the enormity of that emotion, unless my heart had been captivated by my soulmate of nearly 52 years. In God’s grace and mercy He was teaching me how He wants to love me, spiritually love me as His own, part of the the Bride of Christ. I will never understand. I confess almost daily, not only am I a well cared for widow, but I am also His LITTLE child, helpless without my hand in His to lead me in His path of righteousness.

The Path

And as I walk that path I have many times been reminded, He leads me in that path of righteousness FOR HIS NAME’S SAKE. I so easily forget, as I search for comfort and security, for peace and rest, I am His, and as His own, my deepest joy comes when I make Him look good. When I declare to the world my God and my Savior has redeemed me for the sole purpose of worshipping and honoring Him in every way possible, because of Who He is and what He has done. He is everything I need, every day, every breath that I take. He is my provider. Everything that I know and understand about life in the realm of the physical has a counterpart in the spiritual world that takes me to Him, my Heavenly Bridegroom, the onefor whom I wait and with whom I look forward to spending Eternity. I anticipate His coming for me, I eagerly look forward to that day when He calls me to go to the home He is preparing for me.

God’s Provision

Do I miss my earthly husband…numberless times, every day. And yet, every day those tearful memories of missing the blessing of that good state of marriage, reminds me of what I have today in the care and provision of my Heavenly Husband. I know He loves and cares for me in ways I cannot even understand. I know He has a plan and a purpose for everything He gives me, everything He allows. He is in control, and I can trust Him implicitely. He is my strength, the shoulder I need to cry on, one that brings comfort, peace and rest as I read and absorb His Word and make it my own. I am learning to live beyond what this world has to offer. It’s just a shadow of what is to come. And while I wait, I am content for Him to be all I need. To make Him my first and only choice. To cherish Him in my heart first and foremost above all others, above all things.

Because that’s how this widow grieves, and has an ever growing sense of God’s incomparable value. He is worthy of my praise, gratitude, for the joy of knowing Him to the very core of my being. I choose Him, commit to Him, I want the world to know He is my choice, and why.

I woke up one morning earlier this month with the thought…this is the Anniversary month of hubby’s homegoing, his departure from this earth to his long anticipated graduation to his Eternal Home. And that initial nudge  left me with scattered thoughts, self centered as they are, about where I am today. So very little left of Mrs. Tom Bailey. The important parts remain, in some form or another, at least I hope so.

The reality is, for the first time in 73 years, I am wholly dependent on God more than I have ever been in my life. That signifies abundant blessings to be well cared for and provided for, by others, indeed.  But now,  I have no earthly live in companion to look out for me hour by hour. God has graciously provided the blessing of true, good friends, but, that’s not the same as a 24/7 live in person to bounce ideas off or oversee finances. By force of the situation I can no longer stand in the wings and let my happy outgoing gregarious husband undertake the social aspects of life. Finances are a new hazard/ responsibility. The burden of maintenance, from appliances, lawn care equipment, to vehicle and dwelling now rest on my shoulders. Choices and decisions about higher value purchases are now single handedly met, or set aside for a day when brain cells are eager to tackle a challenge. Where once my decisions were firmly set once made, now, I find myself second guessing, without that partner to reign in foolish ideas, or forge ahead with plans for useful goals.

I am no longer who I used to be . Becoming a resident of Florida was more of a big deal than it sounds. It’s not just changing a geographical location … it’s ending a lifetime of familiar surroundings, family and friends, exchanging a lifelong accumulation of things that factored into my comfort zone for a new reality. In my new me, I am strengthening core values ~ the spiritual foundation that I used to lean on hubby for direction, learning boundaries necessary to maintain physical and mental health, using my words thoughtfully and carefully to communicate my needs, when I once didn’t have to go outside the walls of my home to do. October always seemed to be a month of reflection, ousting, negative, unwanted or undesirable aspects of personhood. I don’t know why. But it was a fact, our relationship felt the sting of pouring out a whole season of things needing attention, all in the month of October. Now, I’m left to reflect, have I made advances in the right direction to be the Christ focused person I need to be? I’ll never get to my ultimate goal until God calls me Home. I do need to be sure my steps are aiming in that direction though, without the help of that man that knew me well and loved me anyway. Early morning thoughts after a short night.

Genesis Chapter 5 begins the genealogy of humankind.  I remember the first time I read through Genesis and came upon the phrase, repeated many times in this chapter, “…and he died” .  There’s a message there about God’s plan for His creation of mankind.  When God had to cast Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, that phrase “…and he died” was set in motion.  A reminder of God’s grace and mercy.  Have you ever thought of that? 

We don’t have to live forever in a world of sin. 

Tomorrow my family and I will have reached the one year marker of my sweet husbands’ passing into Eternity.  While we continue to mourn his absence, we surely do not wish him back, certain his joy in Heaven far exceeds anything experienced on this earth.  He is greatly missed, we are reminded daily of that empty spot he used to occupy, the ache in our hearts and the silence in the spaces he filled with his hospitality, generosity, wisdom and humor. 

“…and he died” is God’s solution, extending His grace and mercy to a sin plagued world.  He made a way for us to be freed from the penalty of that original sin, our sin now covered by Jesus’ suffering, death, burial and resurrection, when we choose to accept God’s gift of redemption.  And so, “…and he died” for believers means entrance into Glory, to be with our Lord and Savior for all Eternity. 

I trust if you are reading this, you will join us in embracing the more blessed perspective of that phrase “…and he died”.  If not, please contact me. God IS good, He has a plan and a purpose for every single one of us, He is in control, worthy to be trusted, worthy of our confidence that He will keep the promises we find in His Word, to restore us to a relationship with Him. And to worship and praise Him forevermore. 

Edit: This was written 4 months prior to the Homegoing of my beloved spouse of 52 years. A year has passed since the writing. New lessons learned. Every season of life has new challenges, driving me closer to my Savior with deeper understanding of His grace and merc, y, what it means to lean into Him, and fully rely on HIs provision. And yet, I am still His LITTLE child with so much to learn and know and make my reality…..

After reading an inspiring Blog entry by a Framily member I am reminded of my past efforts to similarly put pen to paper so to speak, to give expression to life lessons I feel might be of value to those walking behind me. God knows I have no claim to fame other than I am His child, His LITTLE child, learning the lessons of life, many all too slowly. And now, I find myself in a season of life I am not well prepared to navigate.

Who ever really thinks hard about nearing the end of the path we’ve been trudging? Who ponders what life will be like when circumstances are altered to the degree that everything we have previously known and felt comfortable with is changed? I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. As I reflect, with a lot of time at the moment to do such pondering, I see that I have never been an adult by myself…welcome to the Basic Instruction of Adulting 101. I went from High School to nursing school, directly to Marriage School ( a lifelong educational stint with Certificate of Completion “awarded” at Homegoing of beloved spouse). Each school of higher learning presented new and greater challenges. And to be honest up to this point in time, it’s a toss up which educational enrollment, Marriage School, or Parenting Preparedness/ Parental Preservation/ Post Parenting Littles, presented the most challenging assignments.

Now I can tell you this last course “The Graduate Course” is by far the one with the most intense and difficult exercises yet. The finish line, however far away in real time that might be, is just beyond the light at the end of the tunnel. Not to be morbid, just “real”. In one breath, just passing my 72nd birthday I declare I am strongly opposed to growing up and plan to be young in my mind for a very long time. And in the next breath I am confessing I am old, and don’t understand my world anymore, much less manage to walk that path uprightly and in a straight line . No wonder I find myself so often exhausted at the end of the day…It must take great energy to flip flop back and forth between that ageless span to aged, and back again. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

The bottom line to all this is, “life is about choices” (Thank you dear daughter for ongoing reminders in my head, when I forget ) . I can choose to dwell on the sadness, the devil makes sure there is plenty of it in life to fuel that fire, and to hurry us to the conclusion that somehow in this Life, as redeemed children of God, we are not included in God’s promises of grace or His goodness. The enemy of our souls would have us believe we are cheated out of the “good” things in life, God really doesn’t have control…the list will go on as long as I allow it to fester. There is never an end to what is sad, uncomfortable, painful, unpleasant, and on and on. But God… In those 2 words are found the greatest source of all we truly need. There are plenty of verses to instruct our hearts and minds in Scripture concerning our perceived state of affairs, and God’s truth.

One of the most useful lessons I have learned in this life, God is interested in, and desires our praise and gratitude. He has a plan and a purpose for our life experiences. In a nutshell, what we encounter day by day, amounts to daily classwork for the ongoing completion of assignments meant to equip us with the skills to prepare us for our Eternal job. Praise and gratitude. If not now, when? In this life, we struggle to get past the painful hardships of life on this planet. God instructs, and I paid close attention that day in class…Heb 13:15,16.

Heb 13:15  By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. 
Heb 13:16  But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased. 

Chew each phrase well, swallow and digest. The only way I’m ever able to be grateful and praise God in difficult circumstances is by the grace He provides. In my own heart and soul, I’m a born complainer. I can complain with the best of the skilled, readily adding a good whine and tears if I think it’s to my advantage. “therefore” indicates it’s important to read the prior words, to get the context. The gist of the chapter details all the ways God’s chosen people, now to include those for whom the greatest price has been paid, have been provisioned to serve and minister, as His word instructs. Jesus gave His life, sacrificially. We are commissioned to sacrifice as well….our praise and gratitude. And we can only be a success at that by the grace He gives us to do it. To recognize His plan and purpose, His Sovereignty, His trustworthiness, and His truth in which I can have full confidence. For all of that I can sacrificially offer up my praise for who He is, my gratitude for what He has done to make me His own. And as well, continually offer the sacrifices of doing good, and communicating His goodness, pass along to others His good provision to me.

Time marches on. I am compelled to continue daily in the final Course of Life. Only God knows how long it will take me to complete this specially designed Higher Education. Some folks manage to be distinguished in their completion of Advanced Studies and have already graduated to Eternal Glory. I trust I am making sufficient progress to that end. The theme of my walk on this path, Sacrificial Praise with Lips of Thanksgiving. Fall in step and march right along with me, your expressions of praise and gratitude are most welcomed encouragement!

I was challenged to report an instance of sacrificial praise in a group recently….maybe I’m the odd man (woman) out, the one person that perceives those words from Hebrews 13:15 strangely opposed to the interpretation of most.  Maybe painful life circumstances have colored my view.  It is good, no doubt about it to be thankful, to praise God for his hand of blessing, to be sure.  It is always good daily to thank Him, and praise Him for His abundant provisions, for family, safety, friends, church, physical well being etc. 

It is my perception, my personal experience, my opinion…sacrificial praise with lips of thanksgiving goes further, draws from a well far deeper, then the everyday experience.  Sacrificial praise demands a look past the comfort zone.  It steps in at the border of pleasant, it begins at the …”but God”, and continues through to the “what if”.  Not to shatter your day’s worth of feeling on top of things, and all is well in your world, consider what the definition of sacrifice is.  Something that might be challenging to give up perhaps.  It’s not difficult to praise and thank God for those things that give us warm fuzzies.  Far more trying the task of giving up praise to our God and Father, our Creator God when it seems as though He has turned a deaf ear.  THAT is sacrificial praise.

And what is the content of that praise.  I am never grateful for pain of any description.  What I CAN be grateful for, is a gracious and merciful Heavenly Father that promises to be with me in the trial, to comfort me in the pain, to walk with me through the hardship, with the peace He supplies, the rest He that He gives. That is sacrificial praise.  Praising the One  who created me, who has a plan and a purpose for me, who knows it all from beginning to end, who gives strength in my weakness, joy in my most intense heartache, and on the other side of that event, is there with comfort and peace. 

But wait.  There’s more.

None of what He extends to me, in His grace and mercy, is just for my happiness.  That would be purposeless and shallow in the big picture.  All of what He gives is fulfillment of His plan for me from before I was even a thought.  And, for His name’s sake. Ps 23:3b   We lose sight of His underlying intent in the Life He gives us, once we agree to be His blood bought adopted child.  He spares us from ourselves, our selfish bent toward fulfilling our own purpose, for the greater purpose of honoring and glorifying Him, for His name’s sake. 

This is my personal thought on sacrificial praise with lips of thanksgiving.  I AM grateful for every good thing every single day holds.  But the sacrifice comes when  those things are not.  When my comfort is gone, when the path is dark and twisted, when nothing familiar is in view, then…what I have to offer IS sacrifice, I sacrifice the very things I hold dear, to praise and thank the One Who knows me best and loves me most, that He is accomplishing His will and way in me, in spite of the pain and hardship.  That’s what sacrifice is.