Monthly Archives: October 2023

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Finding Me

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I woke up one morning earlier this month with the thought…this is the Anniversary month of hubby’s homegoing, his departure from this earth to his long anticipated graduation to his Eternal Home. And that initial nudge  left me with scattered thoughts, self centered as they are, about where I am today. So very little left of Mrs. Tom Bailey. The important parts remain, in some form or another, at least I hope so.

The reality is, for the first time in 73 years, I am wholly dependent on God more than I have ever been in my life. That signifies abundant blessings to be well cared for and provided for, by others, indeed.  But now,  I have no earthly live in companion to look out for me hour by hour. God has graciously provided the blessing of true, good friends, but, that’s not the same as a 24/7 live in person to bounce ideas off or oversee finances. By force of the situation I can no longer stand in the wings and let my happy outgoing gregarious husband undertake the social aspects of life. Finances are a new hazard/ responsibility. The burden of maintenance, from appliances, lawn care equipment, to vehicle and dwelling now rest on my shoulders. Choices and decisions about higher value purchases are now single handedly met, or set aside for a day when brain cells are eager to tackle a challenge. Where once my decisions were firmly set once made, now, I find myself second guessing, without that partner to reign in foolish ideas, or forge ahead with plans for useful goals.

I am no longer who I used to be . Becoming a resident of Florida was more of a big deal than it sounds. It’s not just changing a geographical location … it’s ending a lifetime of familiar surroundings, family and friends, exchanging a lifelong accumulation of things that factored into my comfort zone for a new reality. In my new me, I am strengthening core values ~ the spiritual foundation that I used to lean on hubby for direction, learning boundaries necessary to maintain physical and mental health, using my words thoughtfully and carefully to communicate my needs, when I once didn’t have to go outside the walls of my home to do. October always seemed to be a month of reflection, ousting, negative, unwanted or undesirable aspects of personhood. I don’t know why. But it was a fact, our relationship felt the sting of pouring out a whole season of things needing attention, all in the month of October. Now, I’m left to reflect, have I made advances in the right direction to be the Christ focused person I need to be? I’ll never get to my ultimate goal until God calls me Home. I do need to be sure my steps are aiming in that direction though, without the help of that man that knew me well and loved me anyway. Early morning thoughts after a short night.

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“…and he died”

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Genesis Chapter 5 begins the genealogy of humankind.  I remember the first time I read through Genesis and came upon the phrase, repeated many times in this chapter, “…and he died” .  There’s a message there about God’s plan for His creation of mankind.  When God had to cast Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, that phrase “…and he died” was set in motion.  A reminder of God’s grace and mercy.  Have you ever thought of that? 

We don’t have to live forever in a world of sin. 

Tomorrow my family and I will have reached the one year marker of my sweet husbands’ passing into Eternity.  While we continue to mourn his absence, we surely do not wish him back, certain his joy in Heaven far exceeds anything experienced on this earth.  He is greatly missed, we are reminded daily of that empty spot he used to occupy, the ache in our hearts and the silence in the spaces he filled with his hospitality, generosity, wisdom and humor. 

“…and he died” is God’s solution, extending His grace and mercy to a sin plagued world.  He made a way for us to be freed from the penalty of that original sin, our sin now covered by Jesus’ suffering, death, burial and resurrection, when we choose to accept God’s gift of redemption.  And so, “…and he died” for believers means entrance into Glory, to be with our Lord and Savior for all Eternity. 

I trust if you are reading this, you will join us in embracing the more blessed perspective of that phrase “…and he died”.  If not, please contact me. God IS good, He has a plan and a purpose for every single one of us, He is in control, worthy to be trusted, worthy of our confidence that He will keep the promises we find in His Word, to restore us to a relationship with Him. And to worship and praise Him forevermore. 

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The Adventures of Puppy Training 101

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Who ever thought it would be a good idea for a 70 something widow to become the sole provider/trainer for a 5-month-old (now almost 7 months old) puppy? I am ever so thankful for patient listeners to my ongoing Puppy Training 101 Saga and their many helpful suggestions. This adventure has been a lesson in:

And so many more, but I’m running out of descriptive terms with that appropriate first letter!

Puppy Training 101 involves, first and foremost, being a step ahead of said Puppy in the ways and means of conducting life within the structure of the Puppy Owner’s domicile. In a word, housebreaking. I can’t say I excelled at it, parenting four human babies (though they have all been successfully housebroken for many decades now), so why I had the notion I could manage any better with a puppy is anybody’s guess.

Two months later, I’m finally catching onto the fine art of Potty Training (tongue in cheek, success looks hopeful, even possible – where it did not last week). The difference? Thanks to wise help from a few seasoned dog trainers – crate training. I know, it’s a simple concept I should have been able to figure out on my own… Just run with me here, no judgment. I’m old, thinking isn’t always in my wheelhouse on any given day, coming in spurts as the brain cells – all 2 of them – manage to function together to make a sentence or two before they part ways again. I’m FFFIIIINNNNEEEEE. (Visualize that scared black cat image)

My version of crate training… get out of the house as quickly as possible first thing in the morning, with the command “Go Potty, Daisy.” She’s quick enough to make her little puddle in the grass and just as quick to want to head back into the house for her first nap while I slowly prepare myself for the day. She is not willing to stay outside long enough to comply with the command, “Go Poop.” I know, my creativity and delicacy are sorely lacking. Best I can do. Don’t listen if you are offended. And before you suggest just staying out longer… she can hold it longer than I can comfortably walk with her, and upon returning to the mobile, once inside, she has the sudden “urge” to make her deposit on the floor. NOT acceptable. I have refrained from the many initial responses to her stubbornness because I have not managed to teach her what she needs to know. She’s smart, smarter than me some days. I assume responsibility for not using training methods that work, until now. She’s a good dog, just needs to be trained.

As soon as I move from the bedroom, naptime is over, and it’s time to move on to circus time if I don’t quickly make a move to grab her, fill her food bowl, put water in her water bowl, and shove her into the crate, while reminding her it’s “Crate” time. She sleeps all night on the bed with me, rarely if ever waking or being restless needing to go out, proving she CAN wait longer than ½ an hour or 2 hours to make a puddle or pile! Crate time is 2 hours. When she drinks and eats at the end of that time, I can almost see her crossing her legs with a bladder full and ready to be emptied.

She willingly complies as soon as we are outside. And “already” one day this week succeeded in making ALL her deposits outside. I have hope. Here’s the thoughtful gem of understanding to be applied to my life today:

Consistency and persistence are the key in Puppy Training. Two of the least of my character traits. If you’ve followed my online tirades, you already know I’m more than a little scatterbrained and not really good at doing the same thing repeatedly. My simplest explanation (avoiding the sad truth that I am a few measures shy on self-discipline!) is that my brain is wired to be creative, not consistent; spontaneous, not well thought out or planned; imaginative, but not always very good at following through with the mundane. With so many changes in this past year – big, life-altering changes – I’m well over the part where I chastise myself for who I am or what I have become. That’s a whole other “adventure” for another day. I am trusting that the God who created me still knows what He’s doing. I am learning day by day to rely on His wisdom and strength, more and more… mostly to stay out of the trouble I get into trying to do Life MY way. The best-learned life lessons are those learned by the amount of pain experienced, as my brain wiring goes. Choices have consequences. For the puppy, if you don’t poop and pee on command outside, you get 2 hours of crate time! For me, if I choose to do Life on my terms, without intending to refer to my Creator God for His input, nor obey His instruction, the outcome will be unpleasant at the very least, and at worst, I’ll be confined to find my way in a very dark place without fellowship with Him, without peace, rest, or comfort.

Thank you, all you experienced dog trainers. We’re getting there.