5:23 A.M.  It’s too early to really get up.  I’ll just try to go back to sleep.  How did I get from right side sleeping to left side sleeping?  I don’t remember rolling over.  I always wake up when I move.  Guess not.  Hmmm.  It’s already a good morning, I don’t feel EVERY joint aching.  That’s a good start. What day is it? Monday.  We went to church yesterday.  So, today is Monday.  Monday.  Laundry is mostly all caught up.  Not high priority there.

Priority.  Trusting.  Conversation with Pastor yesterday about what is the first thing we’d do in Heaven.  And what are our loved ones doing.  Samuel.  Sweet innocent Samuel.  For a fleeting moment last night I was nearly overcome with fresh grief, as I imagined myself being a 4 1/2 year old child without a Mom.   The pain, literal, heart aching pain.  But wait.  Jesus gave instruction for the little children to be brought to Him, “for such is the kingdom of Heaven”.

Mat 19:14  But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Mental picture, reflection of the very poignant image of tall Grandpa walking to the barn with a very small little boy at his side. That little boy doesn’t question where they are going, just walks alongside, content just to be where Grandpa is.  I wrongfully apply my own sad emotion to an innocent child’s perception of his reality.  Yes, he misses his Mom, deeply.  But when he is here, Grandpa is his world.   What a graphic illustration of what we talked about yesterday….what will we do in Heaven?

I cannot imagine anyone, no matter how deeply they loved  here in this world, having their focus distracted from that very One Who sacrificed His home in heaven to come to this sinful world, to be a perfect sacrifice, to be buried and resurrected, and taken back into Heaven.  With faith and trust complete, those loved ones must surely be entirely consumed with the presence of Jesus.  Their spiritual beings embracing fully all that God has for them as they are in Eternity with Him.  That doesn’t make me sad.  While we are human, and are so very flawed, we loved well.  As well as we knew how for each moment and event, trial and situation.  There is no reason to let guilt have space.  No purpose in that when nothing now can be done to alter those things for which we might feel regret.  Other than use that fleeting thought to make better choices with the opportunities we are given now and in the future.

The caption for that picture of Grandpa and Samuel walking together to the barn: “Walk this way…”  Depicting how our walk with the Lord should be…so very trusting that we just follow, without doubt or question.  Without running off on a rabbit rail, without distraction or self will…just walking alongside the Savior, where ever He leads.  We make it so very complicated when He has made it so very simple.

5:33 AM It’s 10 minutes later.  I’m not falling back to sleep.  I might as well get up and have extra time appreciating all that God has provided this morning….first and foremost, I can freely move and untangle myself from the entrapment of this bed. That’s a great start, considering those who for one reason or another are unable to do even that.  A trip to the barn is in order as soon as I’m dressed for the day.  A new notebook for sermon notes, because I forgot to get it and notes are scribbled on scraps I found in my Bible, and the coffee I didn’t get yesterday for the coffee maker that’s in the house.  I’ll start with coffee this morning, then drink my green smoothie.  That didn’t work as well as I’d hoped yesterday….Detox headache wasn’t very pleasant when I really wanted to pay attention to the sermon, and cheerfully interact with my church family.  OK, it’s time for this day to be started.

********

There you have it.  That’s a pretty typical conversation that takes place in my head before I even stir.  It makes me smile.  I don’t really need a lot of social interaction on a daily basis.  As you can see from the very start of the day, there is a lot of chit chat going on, and it continues throughout the day.  Sometimes so intensely that when I have to interrupt the conversation in my head to talk with a real person, it’s not a convenient intrusion.  I might even get a little cranky. Yeah.  Me.  I have my moments (please do not query those who live in close proximity.  They’d no  doubt embellish their answers to make me appear to be …. flawed, and very very human.  Then I’d have to confess to you it’s so very much worse than that!!)  Sometimes the conversations in my head take on a darker tone, judgement, criticism, delving into heart motives that no mere human could ever really know.  There is true wisdom in heeding the Scripture that admonishes keeping our minds focused and in control.

Php 4:6  Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

Php 4:7  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Php 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Think on these things.  And in my case…chat about it, in my head.